I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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