I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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