Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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