Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
