Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
