in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
