I can tuck mytits in my pants
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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