my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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