He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
