TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize