i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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