How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
