Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
