so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
of course. lets lasso hookers.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The feeling are messing with the penis
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
