last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
