I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
