Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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