Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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