Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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