So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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