Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
