i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
