I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize