yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
