I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
