I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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