sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
