Are we in a gay sports bar?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
