I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
