She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
