I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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