The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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