so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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