We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
