i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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