my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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