A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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