Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
