her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
