Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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