Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize