Acid is not a monday night drug
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
