You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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