Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize