I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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