it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
