I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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