saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
