Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
