You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize