i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
