did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
