Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
