there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
