Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
