I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
