East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
