last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
