Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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