You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
