Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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