my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
