I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You smell like stripper and shame
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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