This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
