Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
