Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
