it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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