I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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