1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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